Rolling out the red carpet for Robin Moran

Who would ever have known that one of the most popular people on earth must be Robin Moran. Robin was one of the beautiful people chronicled in the show “Super Obese” that first aired in May of 2005. Here at Terminal our most popular post has to be Andover Village: A Story of Severe Morbid Obesity and Beautiful People.

When I first watched that show I was heartfelt by the courage and motivation of the casts. Not an ordinary cast for each of the people portrayed was an actual patient, staff member or professional at Andover Village. Robin was a real headliner for not only did she fight obesity but she fought additional disabilities and did so with a smile. She as did the others fought against challenges more difficult than most of us will ever face. I as do millions of others admirer Robin and the other patients.

Following the post on Andover Village we were so blessed when Robin posted a response that stated in part, “I have read thousands of postings, many so negative that I wondered if sharing so much was right or not. Your posting has reassured me that by revealing such intimate details has and will continue to help so many people that suffer from obesity or are close to someone who does.” I cherish that response from Robin for I know that while Terminal Obesity is a small blog we have hundreds of people each month that read it and people like Robin give them the courage to continue in their own struggle be it obesity or another life challenge.

Robin is a busy star that we all would love to hear from her again. Speaking for Millions of people I want to say, “We love you Robin Moran.”

Most of the statistics presented here represent the economic cost of overweight and obesity in the United States in 1995, updated to 2001 dollars.[10] Unless otherwise noted, these statistics are adapted from Wolf and Colditz,[11] who based their data on existing epidemiological studies that defined overweight and obesity as a BMI > 29. Because the prevalence of overweight and obesity has increased since 1995, the costs today are higher than the figures given here.

Q: What is the cost of overweight and obesity?

A: Total Cost: $117 billion
Direct Cost: $61 billion*
Indirect Cost: $56 billion

*A recent study estimated annual medical spending due to overweight and obesity (BMI >25) to be as much as $92.6 billion in 2002 dollars-9.1 percent of U.S. health expenditures.[12]

Q: What is the cost of lost productivity related to overweight and obesity?

A: The cost of lost productivity related to obesity among Americans age 17 to 64 is $3.9 billion. This value considers the following annual numbers (for 1994):

Workdays lost: $39.3 million
Physician office visits: $62.7 million
Restricted-activity days: $239 million
Bed-days: $89.5 million

Article provided by the National Institute of Health

(NaturalNews) The invention of the microwave may have been intimately connected to the beginning of an epidemic in obesity, according to Jane Wardle, a professor of clinical psychology at University College London. “I looked at the figures showing rates of obesity in the population over many years, and it seemed very clear [that] it began between 1984 and 1987,” Wardle said in a debate at the Cheltenham Science Festival, which took place from June 6-10.

“We looked at what changes were going on in the food and activity world at that time, and one of the striking differences was … in the speed with which we could prepare a meal.”
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While the western world reads of the desperate problems facing those in developing parts of the world, with drought causing widespread malnutrition, we are seeing one of the most visible, yet most neglected public health problems rise to epidemic proportions on our own doorstep. Obesity. Around 20-25% of the population in the U.K. and the U.S. are clinically obese (i.e. they have a BMI > 30) and around 50% are overweight. Shocking front page headlines are appearing in the national press – “Parents may soon outlive obese children” -and research results are published in the broadsheets. Even in countries such as Japan, famed for their healthy diet, incidence of obesity is rising dramatically.

Apart from the obvious strain on the body when carrying vast amounts of extra weight, more and more research is being conducted into the physiological effects of an abnormally high proportion of body fat. Recent studies have proved the link between the most common (Type II) form of diabetes. Alarmingly, this form of diabetes, previously called adult-onset diabetes, is rising in children. Shedding as little as 9 lb in weight on a diet and exercise program was shown to cut the risk of diabetes by 58%.

Over the last four years, the portfolios of products available to treat both obesity and diabetes have widely expanded. Xenical from Roche, launched in September 1998, and Reductil from Abbott launched in May last year, have transformed the way obesity is treated in the U.K. Similarly the last three years have seen three new oral products for Type II diabetes, the glitazones or thiazoldinediones, Avandia (GlaxoSmithKline, July 2000) and Actos (Takeda, November 2000), and Starlix, a prandial glucose regulator (Novartis, May 2001).

Considering the cumulative percentage of GPs aware of these products in the first 24 months post launch – Avandia, the first glitazone, achieved high awareness immediately post launch, with around 60% of UK GPs aware four months later. After the first 12 months, 80% of GPs were aware, only increasing slightly in the second year. Actos, launched only four months later, was slower to gain awareness amongst the GP population, and plateaued after the first 12 months at 70%. Of the anti-obesity products, Xenical out performed Reductil (following three years later), consistently gaining awareness in its first two years and reaching a level of 80%.

Examining the detailing of the five products in the first 24 months post launch, similar patterns can be seen, with Avandia utilising GSK’s vast field force resource to outstrip detailing activity for the other products. It is interesting to note that although detailing activity for Starlix was higher than that for Actos or Xenical after month 10, awareness for the product has remained lower.

Given the increasing demand for effective treatment in both obesity and diabetes, it is interesting to look at the levels of GP usage of these products for the first 24 months after their launch. Once again, amongst the diabetes products, Avandia takes the lead, with usage increasing steadily over the two year period as GPs gain confidence with a novel class of product. Usage for Actos, despite good awareness and detailing levels was substantially lower than for Avandia. Starlix, despite a very high level of detailing to GPs, has so far achieved a low breadth of 5% in the U.K. primary care market.

The data for the anti-obesity products is interesting. A lower level of both awareness and detailing for Reductil post launch compared to Xenical, led to a far higher usage. After 12 months, almost 20% of UK GPs had used Reductil, compared to around 8% for Xenical. This is the first indication we can see from this data of the changing attitudes to the treatment of obesity over the last four years.

Opportunities for GPs to write a script for obesity have increased dramatically over the three year time period, from around 2000 in a month to 5000. With the NICE recommendations in March 2001, the main growth happened before the launch of Reductil. Since the launch of Reductil, Xenical has maintained a 60% share of the opportunities. However, growth has not been sustained and opportunities are beginning to flatten off. Is this surprising considering the size of the potential market? One would think so, but negative attitudes towards obese people have lead to limited effective obesity management systems in national health services around the world. The two products currently on the market, although a great step in the treatment of obesity, are not ideal due to some of their side effects and contraindications.

In contrast, the diabetes market is dynamic. Opportunities for GPs to initiate therapy have increased fairly steadily over the last 2 years to around 20,000 in the most recent months. Hopefully the increase in the number of oral diabetic products available for treating Type II diabetes will mean fewer patients having to move onto hormonal therapy and greater control of the disease.
So what do these trends mean for Lantus, the new insulin launched by Aventis this month. Certainly pre-launch awareness, even amongst GPs, has been high. With the increased prevalence of obesity, which looks set only to rise in the coming years, opportunities for a new product in this class will certainly abound.

Currently obesity costs the NHS at least £0.5 bn per year in patient care and £2 bn to the wider economy in for example, sickness absence. Clearly education, both of the general public and the healthcare professionals, is key in order to improve incomplete and often confused knowledge of obesity and the surrounding issues. The developing world must be looking on in wonderment.

About the author

Isis Research plc is the parent company of Isis Research, Fieldwork International and Maxis Research. Isis Research has its global and regional headquarters in London. Working together with our affiliated companies, Fieldwork International and Maxis Research, we can provide our clients with all their healthcare market research needs – from early product development through to sales force effectiveness; fieldwork and data processing in one integrated package.

For further information on Isis Research plc, click here.

For me, I am a person that states it like it is. I am fat in fact I am morbidly fat at my present weight of nearly 300 pounds. Like it or not, after we gain enough weight we are morbidly obese and while obesity may be reversible it can be difficult to permanently reverse and is a killer. Terminal obesity is not a label that is routinely used by the medical profession or insurance companies. Terminal obesity and mortal obesity are statements of fact. While obesity itself does not generally kill us it does result in a shortened life span. Those of us that are obese are more prone to diabetes, heart disease and even cancer among other diseases that kill.

Speaking for myself, I am fat and want to live. I do not smoke, drink excessively, live or drive recklessly. Unfortunately I have not consistently respected my body and have spent my life gaining, loosing and gaining weight back. Most of my life I have been morbidly obese even though I have had periods where I was of normal weight. I lost my wife to diabetes and many family members to heart disease. I want to live a long life and if the shock value in morbid obesity, mortal obesity or terminal obesity describes what I am or can end up being, so be it. In the mean time I will continue to fight what I call the “Obesity Demon” and do something about once again bringing my weight under control and not dwell on what someone else may have labeled me.

While it may not be easy, each of us has the ability to recapture our body and by doing so we not only fight obesity we improve the odds of living a long and healthy life.

One of the greatest tools available to us is the use of a positive affirmation that we repeat to ourselves. Following is an example of positive affirmations that I have used in the past myself and now in the process of once again reclaiming my body I am using them again.

• This is my day. I will control the Obesity Demon and it will not control me. Recapturing my body and life is more important then any immediate gratification. The Obesity Demon is a cruel and viscous trespasser that I am removing by feeding my warriors nutritious foods that will give them strength.

• This is my body not the Obesity Demons. My power comes from fruits, vegetables, protein, low calorie and low fat foods and exercise. The demons power comes from fats, starches and sugars. I will use my power to combat that of the demon and I will win.

• This is my body not the demons. I will fight you to the death demon – I will fight you to your death.

• This is my body and during a period of weakness I allowed the Obesity Demon to trespass upon it. Now I am strong and the demon must go. I gain my strength through fruits, vegetables, protein and exercise, which the demon hates. Food and beverage containing fat and sugar will be used only in moderation for these are favorites of the demon. Day by day my power will continue to increase and those of the demon will weaken and be forced to leave this body for it is mine.

• This is my body I will control the Obesity Demon it will not control me.

-TerminalObesity.com-

By the time I was fifteen I weighed 250 pounds and 265 pounds by the age of 17. That weight would have been okay if I was seven feet tall instead of 5′ 11″ tall. By age 59 I had lost two inches in height and weighed just short of 300 pounds. Since age 59 I have been up and down the scales by 70 pounds having dropped to below 230 pounds and now at the age of sixty-six I am once again nearly 300 pounds of mass. I have lost at least another inch in height and find myself shrinking so rapidly that sometimes I believe I am as large around the waist as I am tall.

I had an older brother whose weight varied between normal and obese from birth up through high school, later he became morbidly obese. James passed away at age 50 from heart failure.

A Fat Life Long Traveled

As I look back on my life I have thought about my childhood and all that I missed out on as a fat kid. I have thought about the good times when my weight was normal and the bad times when it was not. I have thought about the remaining years, which continues to draw closer for each of us with each passing day. None of us know how long we are going to be here but I realize that I do have the choice of making whatever time I have left enjoyable and weight control needs to be part of that choice. I realize that if I make the correct choice these remaining years can be a whole lot more fulfilling then they otherwise will be. I also realize that these remaining years can be a whole lot more in time and I am not anxious to leave this earth as I have a lot of unfinished goals.

Many of us that spent our childhood being fat can remember a lot of hurt. Pain that we could have avoided if we only new how to at the time. Pain that was within our own control but we did not know how to control it.

• In junior high school the physical education coach would select two individuals who would then select others to be on the daily teams. The fat kids and squirts were always the last to be picked.
• As a fat kid I was not invited to many of the parties that others went to.
• Getting a date was difficult. Some girls would just tell me no and others would have a great excuse. I remember one telling me that her uncle was going to die that weekend and she would need to go to his funeral.
• As a fat kid I tried to fit in by being a joiner in school clubs and found that while I could participate in the meetings and got along with everyone I still wasn’t invited to most outside parties.
• In high school I went out for football but was so fat that I was clumsy and earned my letter as the water boy. My brother had earned his on the team and my father had been captain of his team. While looking back, I should have been proud, at that time I was ashamed to wear my letter on a jacket.

By my junior year in high school I had only a couple of dates. My weight was about 265 pounds and I was developing a very poor self-image. With girls as my motivation to loose weight I went to see a medical doctor that specialized in weight control. This doctor was a bit overweight himself but not morbidly. After a short exam the doctor said “Terry, if you don’t do something about your weight now, you wont live to be twenty five.” I now had two good reasons to loose weight, girls and life. This doctor specialized in diet pills and injections of human chronic gonadotropin, which was derived from the urine of pregnant women, rabbits and mares. By 1957 this medication had become the most popular medication for weight loss. While studies have shown that this drug is useless for weight loss it is still available today.

I was placed on a low calorie diet, supplied with diet pills and vitamins and visited the doctor weekly for a weigh-in and injection. The diet seemed to work for a while but eventually I fell off of it and gained all of my weight back.

Looking back, the surprising thing was that I didn’t need to loose much weight before my attitude to start to change.

In 1961 the diet book Calories Don’t Count came on the market. The author Herman Taller, warned against carbs and refined sugar and advocated large quantities of unsaturated fat. I immediately went out and bought his book and went on the diet. As with previous diets the pounds were once again falling off and within about 3 months I had lost about 50 pounds. (In 1967 Taller was convicted of mail fraud for selling “worthless” safflower capsules.)

When I was 18 and in my first year of college I had only been on a few dates. Now weighing about 275 pounds I was seriously interested in girls and still getting turned down when asking for a date. I had tried a few diets and been up and down. I started to recognize that if I wanted to fit in I really needed to loose some weight and needed help in doing it.

Shortly after starting on the diet I asked a girl by the name of Lynda to go with me to a Christmas dinner that my parents were hosting for the family business. Lynda was a pretty girl and to my amazement she said yes. After that dinner we continued to date. Lynda’s friends asked her if she was dating me because my family was rich. Now we really weren’t rich but my father had a successful business and lots of people thought we were! Lynda stuck with me though, and was later to become my bride.

So here I was with these two great reasons to loose weight, the doctors choice of life or death and my choice of life with or without women. In a few months I had lost about 50 pounds on the pregnant women’s urine diet. With the weight coming off and a woman on my arm my attitude started to change. I found myself not only a joiner but also a leader. I found that I did have real friends and was invited to participate. I became president of both my fraternity and a service club I belonged to. I ran for student body president and while I lost it was a big step forward. Was this magnificent change because I was thinner or was it an attitude? It was both, for as I lost weight I liked myself better. As I liked myself better people liked me better.

I was not a great student and the country was in the midst of the Vietnam War and I knew that I would likely be drafted. I made the decision to join the Air Force Reserve. After looking in to it I found that I would need to loose another 30 pounds if the reserves were to accept me.

I decided that I needed to loose the weight quickly so that I could get into the reserves before I was drafted. Based on the presidential elections of the past several years, I would likely be called a chicken for becoming a reservist instead of volunteering to go to war. I was chicken to die then and am chicken to die now. I had a way of reducing my chances of an early death then and I also have a way of reducing my chances now.

When the decision was made to go into the reserves I needed to loose weight quickly. I first put myself on a carrot diet, for breakfast lunch and dinner I ate nothing but carrots. I was loosing weight rapidly but becoming weak and sick very rapidly. And no, they did not give me better eye site. Following this diet it took several years before I could eat another carrot.

I went from the carrot diet to the Atkins diet where I ate all kinds of fatty foods and as promised I still lost weight. A couple of months later I was down to the weight where the Air Force would accept me.

The night before I was to join the Air Force, I was at a Junior Chamber of Commerce party. Some of my friends at the party were in the Marine Corps Reserves. One of the Junior Chamber members was a young Marine Major by the name of Bob Harder and he was the commanding officer at USMCR Third Anglico reserve unit. I had a few drinks that evening and the only thing I remember is some of my buddies saying that they were in this unit and if I joined Bob would take great care of me. What a deal! The next thing I know I was over at the marine base being sworn in. About thirty days later the Junior Chamber had a joint going away party for Major Harder who had been transferred to Hawaii and Private Weinheimer who was on his way to boot camp in San Diego.

Marine boot camp is an experience that I went through with mixed emotion. I was twenty years old and undisciplined. I had recently been on crash diets that had taken off both pounds and muscle. Within the first couple of days they gave us a strength test. I did so poorly on this test that they sent me to the “pig farm”.

The pig farm was for weaklings and many of us weaklings were also overweight. Here they put us on a diet that consisted of a hard boiled egg, slice of dry toast and glass of skim milk for breakfast, a dish of lettuce without dressing and piece of meat for both lunch and diner and also that glass of skim milk. While those of normal weight could eat all they wanted, us fat-guys had to yell DIET as we went through the cafeteria line.

Daily at the pig farm they would weigh us like a heard of cattle getting ready for slaughter and give us vitamins. They not only had us on a starvation diet but also had us performing physical exercise, lots of pushups, sit-ups and squat thrust, obstacle course, team rowing of boats, and lots of running. I can honestly say that I never fell out on a run no matter how rough it was for those that did had to run again at night. Within a couple of weeks my weight was down, my strength was built up and I was back in a regular unit where I could eat.

Within a couple of days of being back in a regular unit I had a collar bone injury and was now in a hospital unit for a few weeks before once again being assigned to a regular unit. Back in a regular unit I found that I could eat, and with all of this exercise I was continuing to loose weight and getting in the best condition of my entire life. While many recruits were looking for a way to get out, I had learned to place a positive spin on boot camp and was able to convince myself that it was a health spa that I was being paid to participate in. A spa is kind of a stretch but most of the time my positive spin worked. I said most of the time because now it was my mouth that got me into trouble. While in boot camp I received a letter from home that included a draft notice for the Army. I remember going to the drill instructor and asking if I could take the Army up on their offer, naturally this resulted in some extra pushups.

About a week after the draft notice incident we were out on a long run of about 10 miles. This particular day we carried our riffles and ran up and down hills with our riffle being held above our heads much of the time and stopping for a calisthenics exercise break every now and then. We were doing pushups and on a repetition I remained down. A drill instructor yelled, “Private are you tired?” Knowing better but a little sarcastic that day I yelled back in a loud “YES SIR”, the correct response would have been a loud NO SIR. The drill instructor yells “we will take care of that private, the rest of the time your in my unit you can do 500 sit-ups a day in your spare time”. He then assigned two recruits to do the counting and I got started on stomach muscle improvement. At the time I wondered why he hadn’t given me push-ups as it was during that exercise I had smarted off. But looking back I realize that he knew I had been a fatty up until recently. Five hundred sit-ups sounds like a lot but it was not long until I was like a hinge and like the Timex watch I could take a lickin and keep on ticking.

When I graduated from boot camp in December of 1963 I weighed between 155 and 160 pounds a mere shadow of myself a year earlier. Graduation day they served calf liver. I had always detested liver and remember my mom trying to disguise it in meat loaf and saying that it was all in my head. That particular day I had seconds of liver so maybe it is in the head but I still hate it today.

The next five years I was in the USMC reserves going to meetings one weekend a month and two weeks each summer. During this period of time I put on a few pounds but maintained my weight at less than 175 pounds. I did this by running 2 – 3 miles almost daily with our dog Sandy. I knew if I put on to much weight I would not fit into my uniforms and would catch hell at the monthly meeting.

Once out of the reserves I again became lazy, stopped running as frequently and started to put the weight back on. Leaving the reserves coincided with the loss of my running mate our dog Sandy. While this may seem strange, Sandy was like our first son. We treated him like a child for our first 5 years of marriage. Sandy would swim with us and if he thought we were drowning he would swim over our head until we would grab on to him and he would pull us to the side of the pool. I would toss a ball and Sandy would knock it back with his nose. I even have pictures of him riding a hobbyhorse. Following this loss I started to once again gain weight and before long I was well over 200 pounds.

By 1970 my wife who had been skinny all of her life also had put weight on. Lynda was experiencing the new stress of raising a child and I was working 6 to 7 days a week building a new business. Lynda joined Weight Watchers and I went to a couple of meeting but did not like them. Lynda continued with the meetings and we both continued with a sensible diet and we were soon down to our goal weight.

Over the next several years my weight continued like a teeter-totter. I would gain weight, loose weight and gain it again. One thing that I noticed during this period of time was that every time my weight went down my attitude improved. It may seem strange, but when my weight was down I was always more successful in business than during the periods my weight was up. This of course is because I like myself better when my weight is down and I have a whole lot more confidence.

At the age of 36 I became a Lieutenant Governor in the California – Nevada- Hawaii Kiwanis Club. At one of our board meetings I announced that I was accepting pledges for a charitable activity and the total amount was based upon how much weight I could loose within the next sixty days. Both people who wanted to help raise money for the charity and those that thought I couldn’t loose but a few pounds were making some pretty hefty pledges. I immediately went on a diet of nothing but fruit and vegetables for the next sixty days and exercised regularly. At the weigh-in sixty days later I looked great, wearing my small wardrobe again and the charity took in over a thousand dollars from the board members alone. Over the next several months I put most of the weight back on and a lot of people were disappointed in me.

From the age of 36 to the age of 59 my weight continued to yo-yo, mostly YO.

I found that as I got older it became more difficult to loose weight. Was the difficulty due to a total lack of activity or a metabolic reason? I was convinced that it had to be metabolic even though I had done little to prove otherwise. Yeah, I joined a health clubs at different times and for a while I would work out. I would stick to diets and lose a few pounds but each time I found myself changing and putting the weight back on.

At age 59 I wrote to myself the following:

Over my life I have lost a hundred pounds or more a couple of times with everything from danger diets – medically controlled liquid diets – to sensible eating diets. I found that it made no difference how I lost the weight, each time I would put it back on as I returned to my old habits.

As I got older the extra weight has become a real handicap.

• My blood pressure remains high even with medication.
• I tire easily and my body is in constant pain.
• I sleep part of the night in a chair and part of the night in bed.
• At the Movie Theater I am extremely uncomfortable without an empty seat next to me.
• On an airplane I am only comfortable in first class or when in coach if I have an empty seat next to me.
• I am unable to keep my pants up without suspenders.
• Pants that are big enough to go around my waist sag in the butt and have legs big enough for elephants.
• I need to exercise but hurt so much and am so tired that exercise is almost impossible.
• Several times each year I start on a diet and am lucky if it last through an entire day.
• I dream of the perfect pill that is going to make me feel good again and it keeps refusing to come along.
• I complain to the doctors that I have something wrong with me and they tell me that the problem is around my waist.

Here I am at the age of 59, terminally obese, Halloween has just past, and I am surprised that I didn’t go to a party disguised as a pumpkin. All I would have had to do was take off all of my clothes and wear a paper bag over my head. I have once again decided that it is time to put this obesity into remission. Whether you or I like it or not, obesity is an illness that kills but as C. Everett Koop says, it is a preventable disease. It is also a disease that is within our own control.

I have owned many businesses, some of these companies have been a success and others have failed. A couple of years back, Dr. Brian Kennedy my doctor said to me, “Terry, you are a successful businessman but you also need to treat your own body as a business.” I heard what he said but did not have the motivation to do anything about it. Now just short of age 60 and in constant pain and with time running out, I not only have heard what he said but have also started to understand what he was saying. I am ready to slow the clock and hopefully turn it back several years.

I am a closet adventurer. For a long time I have wanted to skydive, take a hot air balloon ride, go on a rapid water raft trip, go deep-sea fishing for giant halibut, marlin and sailfish. I have thought about hiking back into the hills and camping. I would like to ride a mule into the Grand Canyon. I would like to ride some of the blood curdling rides at the amusement parks and much more. I am also 300 pounds, out of shape, have high blood pressure and am scared that in my morbidly obese condition any of these things could kill me.

So what am I going to do about my terminal obesity? What a great birthday present I can give myself by once again loosing weight and this time keeping it off. I have given this lots of thought and realize that while the charts say that I should weigh less then 180 pounds, if I am going to successfully maintain my weight it will probably be in the area of 200 pounds to 225 pounds. This is still obese but I eliminate the word morbid and in doing so my obesity is put into remission.

While coming to my decision to loose weight I performed research and learned some interesting facts. Many of these truths I already knew, but seeing them again makes them more real to me.

• Obesity is commonly defined as being 20% or more over ideal body weight.
• Obesity affects an estimated 34 million Americans.
• Morbid obesity is when a person is 100 or more pounds overweight.
• Obesity is a serious disease that has been linked to shortened life expectancy and is the second leading cause of preventable death in America.
• Obesity is a condition, and morbid obesity is a disease and not a character flaw.
• The most important cause of obesity is a person’s genetics.
• The second most important cause is a person’s life style, which includes eating habits and exercise patterns.
• The third cause is a person’s psyche. Eating not only when we are hungry but also eating when our hunger is stimulated by psychological pressures.
• Science continues to perform research regarding the various chemical causes that contribute to obesity, such as those produced in the brain and other organs.

While all of these facts are interesting, the facts will not take off the pounds. While in a few years science may have a magic pill, at this time it is up to me to keep obesity in remission. Remission requires my change in life style, which includes proper diet and exercise. It is by following this life style that even those of us that may have a genetic excuse can prevent this terminal illness or put it into remission.

For the past five years I have experienced a lot of tiredness and body pain and have diagnosed myself as having everything from multiple sclerosis to cancer. One doctor after another has examined me and said the cause of your pain is the excess fat that I carry. I have had mixed emotions when hearing that my problem is fat. It is hard to convince myself that I do not have another serious illness. I now find myself mature enough to believe the doctors know what they are talking about and the serious illness I have is called obesity.

So what has happened to wake me up? What is it that has made me recognize that the doctors might just be right? What are it that makes me realize that being the weight that I am is very serious and not just a discomfort or visual blemish? I have a terminal illness and it is called morbid obesity and this is a major killer. And yes, what woke me up is called facing the facts!

Shortly after writing the above I found myself once again seriously confronting my weight issues. I started eating much healthier once again and increased my exercise. Unfortunately the weight was just not coming off to my satisfaction.

In January of 2001, I came up with this lame idea of using images to motivate myself and to my surprise it did help. I had photographs taken of my unclothed body. Views were taken from the front, back and both sides. What I saw in these photographs was disgusting almost to the point of vulgarity. This was not in a sexual sense for the photographs did not show the small details, only the gigantic torso and neck that I was carrying around minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day and year after year. Looking at these pictures I found my body downright sickening, in no way could I see how anyone could find fat beautiful. I selected one of these photographs in a large 8″. X 11″ size, not one of those tiny little snap shots. I hung this photo in the center of my bathroom mirror where I would have to look at it every morning as I got ready for the day and every evening while getting ready for bed. That photo remained in place regardless of how disgusting it looked.

Looking at the photographs it was easy to see why my torso, back and legs always hurt so much. I was carrying around this huge stomach that made me look like I was about to deliver quadruplets. On top of this gigantic stomach was these large floppy breasts that made me look like I could wear a larger bra than most women. When I saw my self from the back, the extra fat reminded me of wings. It was easy to see why I did not fit comfortably in a theater or airplane seat. I realized why fat people walk with their arms swinging to the side as the fat pushed my arms out at least 4 inches on either side. When I looked at my head and neck, I did not see a double chin in fact I saw no neck at all. This huge neck made me look like I had volleyball for a head. From the side my back appeared to stick out several inches, rounded with body fat. My back was curved making me look like a human “C”. I realized how all of this fat must have been compressing my body for at the age of 18 I was nearly 6′ tall and now I was 5′ – 8″ tall. The one thing that I had going for me was that I could see that my butt, legs and arms all looked pretty normal.

Why would anyone let himself or herself get this way I wondered as I viewed the photographs? Why is it that I have failed to do anything about it? Perhaps it was denial or perhaps laziness at not doing something about it when I was 5 or 10 pounds overweight. Regardless, just like every time before I had once again climbed back to where I was residing in this disgusting body. Why would I want to look this way? Why would anyone want to look this way? I don’t want to and doubt that few others do either.

With the photographs on the mirror I started to once again loose weight. After month one, I decided to carry it a step forward and have photographs made monthly so that I could graphically see the changes. I also used a series of tape measures with one around my gut, a second around my chest and a third around my neck. These photos allowed me to see the changes that were actually taking place. With this bit of added incentive I was slowly loosing a few pounds but still nothing dramatic.

Within months of starting this diet my wife who had been ill was entering into a time where she could not longer care for herself. Lynda had diabetes since childhood and had developed heart disease in later life. The Diabetes was now catching up with her and I had become her fulltime caretaker, as she could not easily get around and required constant assistance. In April of 2002, shortly after our 38^th wedding anniversary Lynda passed away.

Following Lynda’s death I was very depressed and lonely. I knew that I needed to do something about my own weight or I would soon be joining her in death. I have so many goals yet unaccomplished that I could not allow that to happen. I started working out 4 – 5 days per week and 2 to 4 hours per day. For several months I had a personal trainer 2 – 3 days per week. Later I cut back on the trainer to one day per week, as my finances were bad. I had learned during Lynda’s illness that medical bills could break a person as they had nearly done to us.

During this period of strenuous working out my weight never dropped much below 230 pounds but I lost a lot of body fat and was able to wear X-L clothing instead of tight fitting triple X. I felt so good that I went skydiving for my 63^rd birthday, something my neurologist was not pleased with as I have spinal neurosis.

I continued with regular exercise for over 2 years, during which period my finances continued to get worse for I was carrying huge debt occurred during the illness of my wife and I was nearing bankruptcy. I had placed my home on the market and eventually sold it and was able to pay off most of debts and move into a much smaller home. My son and grandson moved into the new home with me.

With the addition of my son and grandson my meals started to change again. I found myself eating a lot more meats, fatty foods and carbohydrates, all foods that I had avoided during the previous couple of years. Once again I started putting on weight and was exercising less. Soon I was finding it more difficult to work out as much as I should. The muscle I had gained now appeared to be turning to fat and my weight ballooned to 300 pounds.

Since Lynda’s death I had not dated. Much of this was due to the emotional issues I was still experiencing over her loss. When I was ready to start dating I was once again so obese that I found it embarrassing to go out to places where I might meet a woman.

Today I am lonely for the companionship of a woman and realize that for me to be happy I must loose weight and become active once again. I also realize that traditional diets have not worked for me. While I have been able to get the weight off I have never been able to keep it off. Perhaps bariatric surgery is a crutch. Perhaps it is more than that something I am not sure of. I do know that my sister and sister-in-law both had it years ago and have done well at maintaining their weight ever since. They had also spent years living like a yo-yo prior to their surgeries.

Now the irony of my story is that I am a sexuality writer that operates sexuality and relationships websites. Every day I spend hours at my computer writing and giving advice. I rarely publish my picture on any of my websites or with my articles for I am too embarrassed about my own weight. I have not had a date since the death of my wife and while lonely for the companionship of a woman my weight has kept me from seeking that companionship.

I am a goal-oriented person and like I previously mentioned I have many goals yet to achieve. Among these is to be here for my 8 year old grandson who I believe needs me in his life; to meet another woman and fall in love again and travel with her; to publish my book Sex From the Womb to the Tomb and feel good about promoting it. To let the millions of people around the world that read my sexuality articles or visit my websites actually know what I look like. I am tired of hiding behind the pen name and showing the occasional photograph of myself when I was thin. I want to go to my 50-year high school reunion and not be the fattest person there. I want to be able to hike and fish once again without being in so much discomfort. I have sleep apnea and want to get off of the CPAP machine, which has to be one of the most miserable, pieces of medical equipment ever invented. Most of all I want to see my grandson grow up and be here when he graduates from college and becomes the success in life that I know he will be.

To those that have chosen to read this I apologize for being so long winded but I felt that I must share my story.