Weight Loss Surgery Support » Humor

Perks of getting older

Terry — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 03:51:58 +0000

Someone had to remind me, so I’m reminding you too. Don’t laugh…..it is all true…

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run–anywhere.

04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

09. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

10. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

11. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

12. You sing along with elevator music.

13. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

14. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

15. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

16. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

17. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

18. You can’t remember who sent you this list.

And never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Funny Images and Comments

Terry — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 01:39:25 +0000

A JOLLY GOOD RECOVERY

http://www.terminalobesity.com/wp-content/uploads/maia34b4.jpg

Revenge is sweet

Golf for Beginners

Polish Paramedics

http://www.terminalobesity.com/wp-content/uploads/maia34a3.jpg

SAY IT SLOWLY…

http://www.terminalobesity.com/wp-content/uploads/maia34c5.jpg

A Kodak Moment

How men screw up romance

http://www.terminalobesity.com/wp-content/uploads/maia34e7.jpg

Parents can be so cruel

http://www.terminalobesity.com/wp-content/uploads/maia34f81.jpg

The above was received in an email. Sorry but have no idea who the originator was.

Important Fart Warning!!

Terry — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 20:18:03 +0000

Following gastric bypass surgery it is quite common for people to experience a lot of gas and farting. Luckily that has not happened to me – knock on wood. Now from what I am told this is not just ordinary gas and it can have a pretty strong stench. Oh lord, my dogs farts smell bad enough so hope it doesn’t happen. For all of you including those that have never had weight loss surgery read this warning about farting.

Please pass this on to the people you care about, relatives and friends just in case…………It is important they be aware of this danger .

Never

Ever……fart in a wet suit!

The Gift of Old Age

Terry — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:42:10 +0000

I received the following email and while parts of it I may not agree with, it was packed full of som many truths about aging that I had to share it.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging belly! And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my FATHER!), but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend.

I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly extra fishing rod that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my porch. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .. I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set .

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

Carnation Milk

Terry — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 23:40:56 +0000

Carnation milk – 65 YEARS AGO … This is priceless!
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her
family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of
hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in
approximately the 1940’s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000
for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with
‘Carnation Milk is best of all.’

She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I
can do this!

She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled
up in front of her house. A man got out and said, ‘Carnation
LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $2,000 even
though we will not be able to use it!’

Note: According to Snopes.com this story is false but it was so cute I had to share it.

Wardrobe on a Diet

Terry — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 01:35:10 +0000

As I organized my wardrobe I was hit by the realization that the closet was on a diet. Now this closet is far too small and far from skinny in fact it is over packed with shirts and trousers in a multiple of sizes. Trying on clothing I was pleasantly surprised that the waistline had dropped two full sizes. Previously my pants were a bit tight and tended to slip down below the belly if suspenders were not worn. The closet is now organized by size and it will certainly be a pleasure to see the oversize garments go on to a new home where they will again be appreciated. Is shopping for new clothes in the near future? It will be a while before this wardrobe is empty for there the clothing in it still ranges all the way down to XL.

Is this a brain fart or brain on a diet?

Terry — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 21:18:23 +0000

This morning I get up go to my computer and am working on one of my blogs when I remember I have a dermatology appointment. Quickly dropping everything I run to the bathroom to do the 3 S’s, dress and in a rush head to town. Pulling up at the doctor’s offices at the appointed time the parking lot was empty. Thinking that there must have been an emergency or something may have happened to the doctor I called and left a message on their answering machine. After waiting another 10 minutes I called my son to see if the doctor’s office had called the house. My son replied, dad I noticed you were gone when I awoke but this is Sunday and most doctors offices are closed!

I know that this protein diet I am presently on is supposed to be good for you but perhaps my brain is on too much of a diet and a needs a bit of fresh fish. They also say that bariatric surgery tends to make some people gassy. Could the surgery be causing me to have more ‘brain farts’?

The Perks of Getting Older

Terry — Thu, 22 May 2008 15:33:43 +0000

75.8 million Americans were born during the baby boomer years of 1946-1964. More and more of you are aging and joining those of us born before this boom . I want you to know that you will find many new pleasures to enjoy. You will also learn that there are some things that you will no longer do as well. Here is a list of a few of the perks you will enjoy as you reach the age of 60, become over 70 and head towards 80. While some of these perks may give you a smile now, understand that they are all true!

Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run–anywhere.

04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.